This is a weird week for us. A weird time in our lives generally.We were finally on a roll with me working and us being able to start saving for our future. We had piles of money that were kept for different goals such as pension, moving to our own place, vacations, friends weddings, having children, buying furniture etc. Then I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and have been laying at home recovering ever since. The unknown of this disease is very frustrating and not something that I want to focus too much on anymore, because whatever happens we'll just deal with it. Hopefully this was my worst flare and hopefully I can go back to work within the next month. But for now we just need to be patient and learn how to adapt to it. The reason why this week is weird is because Nick is in Seattle visiting his uncle's family right now. We are literally NEVER apart so this was a scary thought at first but it turned out great. He has been working so hard and taking care of me so this was a well-deserved break. He is having a great time and I get some alone time to rest (and getting two blood transfusions but it's all good now). Sometimes you just need some time apart to miss one another and we sure do. He will be home tomorrow and I can't wait to see him :)
Within the next year there will be big changes happening for us no matter what. We are getting to a point with my green card where no matter if I get an approved sponsor or not, a major move will happen. If I get to stay in America then we are looking at various places to live such as Texas, Seattle, maybe even North Carolina... I don't know! We are keeping an open mind right now, compared to before when we had our hearts set on only Tahoe. The tricky part comes in if I don't get a sponsor. The only option then is for us to move back to my home country Sweden. Obviously me and Nick would never break up or get a divorce just because of this, but I also am aware of what a huge deal that would be for him. And the CATS! And ME!
As much as it gives us anxiety thinking of settling down in one single place for good, with all of the pros and cons, its also a relief. We just want to know where to live already. As long as we are together its fine. But we want to start building a home base where we can travel from. We will always miss something. Family, friends, traditions. So its time to settle down in a new place and then do our best to meet up with our loved ones as best as we can. One idea we have got is to announce whenever we have plans to go somewhere. If we are going to France for a week next summer, we'll give everyone the time and place and whoever can go with us and catch up can do so. Because we have realized that us flying back and forth between San Jose and Sweden every 3 years is going to take up every penny we've got. Which sucks. We need money to live and see the rest of the world too. We are done being stuck in this sad place of always missing out on something. Money is a huge issue when your heart lives in two countries that lies so far away from each other. There is always something that gets in the way from us or family and friends to come visit. Or us visiting them.
The challenges will be big no matter where we end up. Staying in America means to always worry about our pension savings, gun violence, affording a place to live, not having more than two weeks of vacation per year and not getting to spend enough time with our children because of the shitty parental leave. Living in Sweden would mean putting off our plan to have kids several years, going through a big move with the cats all the way there, the difficulty of finding a house to rent second hand since the cats need to be outdoors, adapting Nick to the Swedish culture that he has only seen once and him having to get a student visa and going to school which he isn't thrilled about. It will all be overwhelming no matter what. Plus, one person will be disappointed about where we end up because we both want to stay in our home countries. And yet there is a HUGE part of me that wants to stay in America because I love it here. And yet there is also a part in Nick who wants to make that adventurous leap and move to Sweden so that he can finally travel around Europe like he always has wanted. But that is a big commitment when you have lived in the same place your whole life. I was more open to moving to America since I was used to traveling already. But lately I sure have missed the simplicity of Sweden a lot. It would be nice to get to settle down, knowing that our insurance and pension are all taken care of in case something happens.
At the end of the day, the idea of moving to Sweden was almost impossible a year ago. Mine and Nicks relationship has matured to a point of where we are willing to do what we have to do. If we really don't have a choice, Nick is going to try his hardest to stay open minded about it because he really did like Sweden when he came there for a visit. He adores the culture, our history, traditions and is so good at memorizing Swedish words. It's just a scary thought to change your whole life around like that but I am so proud of him for trying. He is my home at the end of the day, so wherever we end up, we're good.
I'll throw in some pictures from when Nick came to visit me in Sweden for two weeks :) July-August 2016 <3