Why couldn't you just find a guy in Sweden?
- carolinelarussa
- Jul 7, 2017
- 5 min read
So a new season of "90 day Fiancé" is out and we are of course going to watch it. Although Nick still hasn't seen season 1, 2 or 3 so we are catching up on those first. I freaking love this show. I really do. Because it is our thing. No one else in our circle of family or friends have ever been in this process. So when me and Nick watch the show it feels special, because we have no one else to really discuss it with. We are still living that strange life of trying to adapt to each other's cultures. "90 day Fiancé" becomes a comfort to us because we know that those other couples went through the same thing.
They get asked the same awkward questions that there are seriously NO good answers to. People trap you. "So if it wasn't for the visa, would you guys still have gotten married this soon?". Uuh... of course not! That would not be a reasonable thing to do. But if we tell certain people that they go "Hm okay" as if our decision was dumb. But the truth is that we simply didn't have any other choice at the time, if we wanted to be together and also live in California. We both feel at home here and wanted to stay. Then the next question comes. "So did you apply for this visa to get into America?". Well, yeah. And no. I wanted to get into America because here is where Nick is! The man that I love happens to live here and we are not interested, at the moment, in moving to Sweden... so America it is! I know that there are a ton of scammers out there. But some questions are plain ridiculous. "Why couldn't you just find a guy in your home country? Why did you necessarily have to marry an American? Are you obsessed with America?"... Now, if these people knew anything about love... they would know that you do not choose who you fall for. How many times have people gone on vacations and come back with a boyfriend/girlfriend? How many times have different cultures, races and religions mixed together for love? MANY! I honestly never met anyone in Sweden who met my standards and expectations of a life long partner. Could I have met someone like that if I had stayed in Sweden? Maybe I could. But why break up with the man of my dreams, who happens to be an American, just so that I can maaaybe get together with another guy?
Nick is perfect for me and no matter what some people might question about that - I have not ever been so certain about anything in my life! It's like Nick said a couple of days ago.. "If I knew then what I know now, I would still have married you". And as much as I have always wanted to live in California, I am not that desperate that I would marry whoever to get a visa. It's an extremely tough process both mentally and financially. It's not something to be taken lightly. Some Americans talk about their country as the greatest thing in the world and that immigrants should feel very lucky to be let in at all. But what some people forget is that, our countries are pretty damn good too. We leave our families and longtime friends, to make new friends. We split our hearts in two pieces.
One of the hardest things for me was to leave Sofie who I have known for many years. And instead try to figure out who I can get along with here. In "90 day Fiancé" they discuss the difficult dynamic of the American spouse having their childhood friends around. Friends from high school. Friends from years ago. That they have been through ups, downs, craziness, adventures and more with. I myself have that issue of jealousy sometimes. Because I'd give anything to have Sofie here. We click on an awesome best friend level and share tons of memories together that no one else will ever understand. So when I see Nick have that relationship with hundreds of people, I feel left out. Because I was never a part of those memories and I have no one around to share that with. I am very happy to still remain friends with some of the people that I was introduced to 2 years ago when I met Nick. They are some of my closest friends and I love them so much! But sometimes reality sets in and they all discuss music from their childhood, parties they all went to or experiences they had... they laugh, reminisce and talk about how those moments will never come back again... and I just stand there trying to be somewhat involved in the conversation. But it honestly never really goes well.
Or someone walks up to me to say Hi. They remind me that I have actually met them before. Oh I have? As a new person in a country you get easily overwhelmed by meeting new people, because they are all there at once. Especially with Nick it's challenging because he has been hanging out with a huge crowd of people through the years. So I feel like a fish out of water at times. I try not to offend anyone by saying that I can't remember who they are. But if we have only met once, chances are big that I need a quick reminder. It's not because I didn't like that person, my brain is just full of information as it is and I am trying to keep up. This usually ends up with me feeling shy. Not around my close friends that I have already built up a relationship with. But for example, this 4th of July, we met up with a big group of people. And I got shy and kept to myself a lot because when I tried to make conversation or say something funny, I didn't feel like anyone really got it.
But me and Nick get each other and that is all that matters at the end of the day. And watching this show seriously helps out even more. We see both sides of everyone's story and can go "Hey look! That is so typical me!". A lot of the foreign spouses have home sickness which I can relate to. I wish I could see my sister and niece in person a lot more. That would be freaking awesome. But through this show, Nick can get inspiration on how to support me when I feel sad and down about it. It connects us on a completely different level! And thank goodness that most of our friends knows that we are the real deal and nothing else. Anyone who questions it don't need to be around us, we made sure of that early on in our relationship :)
My wonderful man going to work!
Nothing is better than falling asleep next to my boys every night <3 The girl kitties prefer to stay outside where it's a bit cooler and then cuddles with us in bed during winter time instead ;)
See those flower pattern pillow sheets on my side of the bed? I brought those with me from Sweden to feel more at home and comforted knowing that I wasn't leaving everything behind. I still have a ton of things left over there, but we will slowly bring it over to this side of the planet.
My favorite person in the world <3 Being with you has been the only roller coaster ride in the world that I have enjoyed ;)
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